Lying on the freezing floor at 3am, ‘demonstrating’ to my definitely-not-hungry, just-needs-to-shut-his-eyes baby how to go to sleep, I wonder how much it would cost to buy a life-size, warm, “breathing” model of me… Because as soon as I try to silently creep out of the room, tiny man realises, turns over, gives me a hard stare.. and starts to cry.
The baby industry is mahoosive: worth $45 billion, according to bean counters. And encompasses unbelievable items like £10 ‘specialist buggy handle straps’ (pieces of string for a child to hold on to) and even baby wigs (yup!). But here are seven things that entrepreneurs *really* need to get cracking on. I’ll be first in line to buy…
- A nappy with early-warning system. 10 mins’ notice for serious poonami.. Code red for ‘you’ll need a nose peg’; code green for ‘you can change this one in the car, no problem.’
- A time machine – so you can press ‘freeze’ and enjoy newborn cuddles for infinity – whilst simultaneously being able to race through tantrum/shouting/no-sleeping phases.
- A buggy treadmill which works on its own – for when you’re totally knackered… but your baby will only snooze on the move… With a special edition set of arms for rocking during the witching hour.
- A robot that pops a dummy back in the mouth before the babe wakes.
- A winter baby hat, that is warm, and never falls over the tiny one’s eyes which makes them scream. Seems simple, this one, but so far none exists…
- A magic spray that eradicates the smell, feel and look of baby sick, poo and wee – without forcing you to have basins full of soiled washing, all the time.
- A self-cleaning high chair, with invisible no-fly zone to stop any thrown-food in its tracks.
Lucy Tobin is a new mum of one and tries to make knackered parents laugh on her baby blog runoutofwomb.com. Follow on Facebook & Twitter too. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting her and her little sleep-avoiding dude and they’re both lovely!