Last Thursday was a nightmare so I thought I would send a huge thank you to the lady who was opposite me for her incredibly helpful input whilst my daughter had a meltdown. Tutting at me really REALLY helped the situation and stopped her hysterical crying and made my stress levels instantly evaporate.
While you are stood
with your one older child, your judging is not welcome.
Did you realise I’d been up at 2am and again at 5am? Did you realise my husband has been working away so all aspects of parenting, housework and day to day management of life has solely fallen to me?Did you realise that as I give up and allow my daughter to sit in her pushchair in just a lightweight coat that I had spent the last 20 minutes fighting a losing battle as she rips it off, lashes out at me, gets so incredibly frustrated at me? The broken sleep gets to us both and whilst she can have a crying breakdown I can’t.
It’s so easy to walk past a situation and see three seconds of what has been a day, even week long, issue of overtiredness and feisty headstrong two year olds. Two of them all day every day. It’s easy to cast aspersions based on that tiny snippet you saw and think I’m a hideous parent as I’m wrestling my daughter into her pushchair after doing the same no more than ten minutes ago to get her into her car seat. Come back in another twenty minutes and I’ll be doing the same, twice over. You have no idea.
Come back in another twenty minutes and I’ll be doing the same, twice over. You have no idea. Kids can be hard work. I’m not ashamed to say that the last few weeks my daughter has been incredibly difficult. I have struggled with her behaviour as she tests boundaries, wants to be independent, determined to have everything her way – all whilst being bloody knackered.
Having twins is not like having your child twice over. Despite being identical, they don’t do everything identically. Tantrums aren’t confined to the same fifteen minute window. They both don’t doze off at the same time It’s full on. Yes I sound incredibly hard done by; I’m not. There’s many others in a far worse situation than I am I appreciate that but I need to vent. Having kids yourself SURELY you should have a tiny tiny sliver of empathy. Even if you had the golden child, you cannot have been immune from the odd tantrum and public meltdown. Why do you feel the need to tut? Why not an offer of help? A reassuring word? Because we are all supposed to be supermoms. Got it all covered and still look like a glamour puss eh?
Well lady that tutted shortly after you showed your lovely self, two friends came and helped. They distracted, they helped they reassured. They told me that we’ve all been there. They made me feel normal. Not a terrible mother normal. Being a parent is hard enough without judgemental prats that make them feel better by looking down their perfectly powdered noses. Despite no sleep, grumpy twins and more bad days than good I know that I am lucky to have three people call me Mom. So tut away; real people and real friends are always around the corner.
Huge thanks to Beth for guest posting for me whilst I’m away. She’s so right, why do people who really should understand that being a parent isn’t all plain sailing tend to be the ones that can make us feel bad about ourselves! Her post about where not to go with a double buggy is also a hilarious read!