A divorce can be an emotional, stressful and hard time for everyone; you, your partner, and your kids being the main people involved. Some people might shy away from divorce whilst their children are young, or altogether completely because they fear the upset it will cause. However kids are more resilient emotionally than what credit we give them, here are a few pieces of advice to keep your children’s best interests at heart through separation with your partner.
One of the most difficult phases of separation and divorce can be breaking the news to your Children, if you have any. This may seem difficult to do but keep in mind that this is one of the most important stages and should be handed appropriately. It is recommend you sitting down with your children and telling them about the fact that you are separating, if possible try to do this together. Having both of you sit down with them might make it easier for the kids to digest and give them enough information so they aren’t constantly questioning why. Choose your words carefully; obviously you will need to cater differently for your child or children depending on their ages. Avoid blaming either party because that might unsettle the children and insinuate that they need to ‘choose sides’ – they don’t. Keep it civil so that the children understand you will both co-operate and co-exist in their life.
When focusing on trying to assist your children in coping through your divorce, you should try and minimise the tension between you and your soon-to-be-ex. If that is an option of course, we understand that it is far easier said than done to be civil with your ex sometimes. Try to avoid any negative comments towards your partner in front of your children, and also remember the children aren’t there to dictate who was right and who is wrong – they wont feel comfortable taking sides.
Try to keep stability, by this I mean that you should keep up their routine as much as possible. Despite the obvious changes such as having one parent at home rather than two, your children don’t need further upheaval with their social lives etc. Try to keep any normal routines going, for example if they attend clubs, and most importantly school.
Another necessity in your situation for your children is to remind them that you live them, as apparent as that may be. This is what will be your most important information to convey with your son/daughter, it is important because if your children end up feeling neglected it will unsettle them greatly and result in them remembering the whole separation as a very negative thing for years to come. A common worry that many children will have when their parents are divorcing is that they will lose one of their parents, or even both. To ensure this irrational worry doesn’t trouble them – make sure you remind them of how much they mean to you.
There is no pretending that this isn’t going to be a tough time of your life and there will be sleepless night, tears, argument etc but the important thing to remember is the children. Another important decision you will have to make is the law firm you choose to handle the divorce. Divorce solicitors can be expensive which is why it’s important to make the right choices in solicitors to save you both heart ache and money. There are alternative to a straight up divorce with collaborative law where you an your ex come to agreement on what is fair rather than the courts and divorce lawyers like Neves Solicitors from Harpenden and Milton Keynes can help with this. Alternatively family lawyers Rix & Kay from Sussex and Brighton can offer you a free consultation to help you discuss the next step.
No matter what happens your children will always be your children and they will always love you and you will always love them. Just because you are no longer with your partner this will not effect that and you need to make sure they know that every step of the way.
This is a collaborative post.