collaborative post.
Divorce is a hard thing for everyone, but especially for children. In the UK, where divorce rates are still high, children in the midst and after the process needs to be looked after. If parents are clear on what can happen to them from divorce, then they will be better able to assist and minimize the emotional, psychological and developmental effects of divorce on their adolescents.
Emotional Impact of Divorce
The effects of divorce on children depend on age, temperament and how separated. Confusion, sadness, anger, guilt: are some of the commonly felt emotions.
Little Kids: Not very good at explaining why their parents are no longer together. They might be scared of being left alone, or self-blame.
Older Children and Teenagers: Can feel anger or resentment especially if involved in parent/child disputes. Perhaps they also fear their future and family transformation.
Open communication is essential. Parents should explain to children that the divorce was not their own decision and that both parents will love and care for them.
Psychological and Behavioural Changes
There are obvious shifts in a child’s behaviour and mental health after a divorce. The kids might have anxiety, depression or low self-esteem. Others can manifest as behaviour problems, like resistance or withdrawal.
High school grades: Academic achievement scores might suffer because children might have difficulty staying on task during the emotional turmoil.
Relationship with Other Children: Some kids might not be good friends, or have social withdrawal, and others might need emotional help from other children more than their own.
It is up to parents and teachers to follow the changes and support each other, as needed.
Developmental Differences
Divorce can impact a child at any age, at any developmental stage.
Babies and Toddlers: May not have a clue but can detect tension and stress. A shift in routine or care provider can make the person more clingy or sleepless.
Teens/High-School Students: Afraid of conflict between parents. Maybe they have a loyalty feud or want to “repair” it.
Young Adults: Understand better the motives for divorce, but are less loyal to one parent than the other. They can feel pressured too to act like adults.
Individualised solutions depending on the child’s age can get them through the event in a better way.
Long-Term Implications
Some children will thrive in the long run, but some will be more vulnerable to the consequences of divorce: relationship issues, resentment of commitment, etc. But these effects are not inexorable. And if we give them an environment of consistent love and security, then they’ll be able to build resilience and stay in good emotional shape.
Minimising the Negative Effects
Parents can do some things to mitigate the possibility of child-impact from divorce:
Prioritise Stability: Regularity in routines can feel secure in an age of transition. Stability is key, in school, friends, and work days.
Don’t Engage in Rivalry With Children: Parental Rivalling is the worst part of divorce. Detaching conflicts from children and investing in healthy co-parenting can go a long way.
Encourage Open Communication: Let children share without being judged. Be sure to tell them all feelings are good and okay.
Ask for Professional Support: Therapy with a professional such as a counsellor or a family therapist is an avenue to give kids a safe environment to share feelings. There are schools across the UK which also provide pastoral care for those children who need it.
Shared Parenting: As co-parents, make decisions for the child. Never berate the other parent around children.
Divorce Child Support Systems – Help for Divorced Children of Divorce.
Children and families in the UK have several supports and services:
Related: Provides counselling and support for marriage breakups for families.
YoungMinds: Offers children and adolescents mental health resources.
Family Mediation: Reach a peaceful compromise between the parents where children are taken first.
Through these services, divorce will be made less of a hassle for families and less of a burden on children.
A Journey to Healing and Self-Discovery.
The divorce process is indeed a challenging one but when done correctly children can be strong and balanced. Parents can ensure that their children are well cared for emotional and psychologically, in a place of stability, and are properly supported during this time, and build a future. Stay strong, even in the face of big change, by loving and leading your kids by parents.