I’ve been writing Belle du Brighton for six years. Before that I wrote on Livejournal and prior to that on Diaryland; both sadly now long lost in the cyberspace black hole. But for some ridiculous reason many of my friends don’t know about the blog, or if they do know I blog they don’t know where. My parents don’t know, and my in laws only know because Sam or his sister told them, i’d much rather they didn’t read it and I am cringing now just writing about the fact that they read it. But WHY? Why am I so disinclined to mention it? It’s almost as if I am ashamed of it, although there is no reason to be at all. In the last six years it has grown from a little blog about what I wore and what I get up up to into something that acts as a scrapbook of our family life.
I have had some amazing opportunities and experiences through this blog, there is no denying that my children’s lives have enriched because of it; new toys, books and adventures we otherwise wouldn’t have thought to do or been able to afford to go on. I also earn a decent enough part time ‘wage’ from the blog and associated income, more than I do in my other part time job anyway! But I still inwardly cringe when someone asks about it if someone else we’re with brings it up and mutter something about ‘being a writer’. I we have something new or go somewhere to review then ‘oh I’m reviewing it for a website…’ I don’t often say it is my own website, one that I have been working to build up for years and years and one whose audience I value. One that I have spent untold numbers of hours of my time on. Why am I not proud of it? When I hear people say they have put their blog on their CV I am amazed! Why? Because my blog holds so much personal information about me and my family, from my wedding to the births of both my children. Holidays, times when I’ve felt down and found coping hard. It’s all laid bare for anyone to see and that makes me feel vulnerable. I could of course stop posting personal posts but I don’t want to. I think they make me more relatable and without them it would just be a catalogue of reviews and opinions.
I am friends with a lot of bloggers on facebook and I see them share blogs they are proud of, or when they have giveaways running. It’s something I just can’t bring myself to do. It’s not even linked in my about me. Why? Why would it matter that people I know from school or work over the years read the blog? It really shouldn’t. Maybe I need to just bite the bullet and edit my about me to say ‘writer at Belle du Brighton’ and link to my blog facebook page. I should be proud of it, and I am but my actions don’t match that feeling. I think a lot of it stems from my pre-baby job of managing a big busy hotel, it was a really stressful job and I used blogging as a release, writing about days out, outfits and makeup when I started. I didn’t want any of my employees to read it, as I felt it would overstep the employer/employee relationship for them to know so much about me. But I stepped down from that job after my maternity leave with Athena ended in the summer of 2014, and although I still work for the same company it’s not in the same position nor in the same hotel and none of my new colleagues and I are friends on facebook.
Yesterday I shared a link to an article that I wrote and published on Huffington Post, and for me was a big deal to press ‘post’. Not because I am worried about what people will think about the article, but because at the end there is a link to my blog so anyone with a brain cell can get to it. And you know what? I had a lot of likes and comments about the article, and a couple of people even shared it, people who didn’t know I blog before I posted the link.
So I guess the next step is to overcome my completely irrational fear that someone who I don’t even really care about but am still friends with on facebook might be bothered to go back through my blog posts and read things about me and my family that are already out there on the internet to see anyway. Writing it like that makes me think what the hell am I afraid of?
Maybe I’ll just bite the bullet and do it, add my blog into my bio, tell people about it with my head held high when it comes up in conversation, heck I could even start carrying around my business cards!
If you’re a blogger do your family and friends know? Do you tell people when you meet them? Any tips to get me to stop worrying about it so much?