Top H&M, Skirt Primark, Studded Flip flops River Island.
I am having a huge problem finding time/energy to blog. AND I am having camera woes, I have 2 little digital cameras, one of which is good for taking pictures of things and people from afar but shit for full length pictures using my trusted balancing camera on cooker method. the camera that IS good for camera on cooker is nowhere to be found. Therefore these were taken with a fuck off big old olympus beast, and as the middle picture testifies, is a tricky bugger to focus on self timer. Sam hasn’t been about to take my pictures recently either, he was at home in Norfolk for a few days and then was right back into work, although we did get to spend 4 hours together (involuntarily) at work because I had to work on my day off (We work together) yesterday. but work time is not quality time at all. so I am harrumphing in general recently due to various things:
> work, right when I think it is going well things go wrong. I genuinely wish I could share with you all some stories from the hotel I work in, it’d make your jaws drop in horror. As much as I can say is this: in the last 2 months we have had 1 suicide attempt, 2 (unfounded and unproven) allegations of theft (insurance jobbies), 1 proposal, 1 60 something year old man evicted for stinking the place up with weed, 2 trashed rooms, and a homeless man barricading himself in a toilet (with a bottle of strongbow) smoking cigarettes and cleaning the floor.
>wedding, I am waiting for a quote for our potential reception venue. I just want to know what it is so we can decide if it is right for us, and until that has come back I cant get started on anything, and I had a huge hissy fit at poor old sam about it the other day (tears and all, and I NEVER cry) so that’s stressing me out
>weight, now normally I do not fuss to much about what I weigh, and in fact I still don’t, I just am not starting to look like what I weigh. does that make sense? It was all made worse when I ordered a dress online in a m/l (which was stated as a 12/14) as I wanted it to be loose fitting for summer, and the fucking thing does not do up! I’m not even a 12/14, i’m a bog standard 10 in most shops. So that pissed me off and now I am panicking I’ll look hideous in my very unforgiving wedding dress
>future, I don’t want to grow up. In some ways I feel like I’m still 20 with no responsibilities other than working and paying bills, and in other ways I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and realistically I don’t know where I will be in a year or twos time, because I wouldn’t be able to afford to support a family in Brighton (rent here is extortionate, let alone buying a house) and I don’t even know if I will be able to conceive yet due to PCOS. If we move to Norfolk (Where sam is from) then his mum and sister will be around, but I don’t want to live in their pockets, and my mum will be down here on the coast. We’ll;l never save enough for a deposit, how do people manage it? I left home at 18 and have supported myself ever since, but have nothing to show for it. I am an outgoing person, but what if I just don’t find anyone I get on with wherever we move…
I guess i’m just feeling mopey, and not without good cause I think, I just sometimes want SOMETHING to go right for me, for the bloody grey clouds to pass and a leeeetle bit of a sunbeam to shine upon me. Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous that sounds from someone who is healthy(ish) and planning their wedding.
Anyway, I didn’t sit down to write all this, it just fell out of my brain, I was just going to post an outfit and a sorry I haven’t blogged in ages. This is my only outlet really so I have no need to apologise. Outfit details (sorry about feet!)